Just A Lil' Bit of Jess' Mind

Tomorrow and the day after (Wed 14th & Thu 15th) I will be attending Moore College School of Theology conference on the topic of True Feelings: Emotions in Christian Life or sumthing like that. This is the topic that i’ve been very interested in for a looongg time.

I’d like to get myself ready before the conference so that i’ll get the most out of it. Hence i’ve got some questions or concerns that i want to ask or want to find the answers. Mostly it’s connected to Depression & Anxiety (DnA) – in the light of my own experience these last 2 yrs with DnA.

- what about those with mood disorders e.g. DnA, whose feelings and emotions are ups and downs?

- what’s the connection between our brain and our feelings, and what does the Bible said about them?

- what about those who take medications in order to control their moods? that a single tablet can control our emotions? good or bad thing?

- How did Jesus control his emotion?

- Suppressing the emotions: good or bad? is that the same as what Rom.1:18ff says about suppressing the truth? isn’t that sin?

- How can we control our emotion so that we are not controlled by it?

- Does God encourage us to feel our feelings or not?

- why does the charismatic/pentecostal movements seems to love God more passionately than us evangelicals? is there something that we missed?

- when we sing at church, should we feel it too? singing with our head and heart as supposed to head-knowledge only?

- how does the Spirit contributes/connected to our feelings?

- difference between emotions and affections?

Hmm that’s all that i can think of now. Some of them i’ve already known the answer haha but it’s just fun to activate my brain to be ready for tomorrow. Maybe later i can post something of what i learn from the 2 days conference

It happened last night when we were out dining in Lowenbrau – the German restaurant in The Rocks.

I saw my dad prayed before his meal.

Wow. that’s the first time ever in my life that i saw him did that.

Amazing. God does work in mysterious ways.

Am praying that i can ask him about that, and that we’ll have good conversations.

Am praying that God will keep working in his heart to know Jesus more and more.

Please pray for my dad as well. Thanks.

Pheww. Just finished updating my blog again after i left it for 6 months of very-bery-super-duper-busy-and-super-duper-mega-ultra-crazy lifestyle of an MTSer at UNSW. Don’t know what i’m talking about? Well, welcome to my world! =)

If you are first time visitor, welcome!
If you are a second time visitor, welcome!
If you are a third time visitor, still welcome!!
If you are a … …th time visitor, all the more welcome!!

Hehehe.

Now. Enough of crazy talk. Hehehe. Business time.

Feel free to browse anything on the right hand side coloumn of this blog.
Who knows you’ll find stuffs that will save your life.
Really, literally.
Whether you’ve gone through Depression and/or Anxiety,
Looking for answers during your hard times
Looking for answers during your normal times
Looking for answers during your ups/downs, happy/sad, good/bad, left/right, diagonal/spatial, time/space, etc etc…
Looking for … … whatever things that you’re looking for,
The answer is clear.

Just browse through the right hand side column.
(I think i’ve mentioned that before, have i? :p)

Anyway,
To give you the 4 cheat words:
Not “This too will pass…”
Not “This too will pass…”
Not “This too will pass…”
Not “This too will pass…”
BUT “JESUS HAS THE ANSWERS”
BUT “JESUS HAS THE ANSWERS”
BUT “JESUS HAS THE ANSWERS”
BUT “JESUS HAS THE ANSWERS”

Or in 3 cheat words:
Not “Where is God?”
Not “During evil times?”
Not “Has God Failed?”
BUT “GOD IS THERE!”
BUT “GOD IS LOVE!”
BUT “GOD LOVES YOU!”

Or in 2 cheat words:
Not “Why God??”
Not “Why God??”
BUT “GOD LOVES!!”
BUT “GOD LOVES!!”

Or in 1 cheat word:
Not “WHY???”
BUT “GOD!!!”

GOD!

TRUST GOD!

TRUST MY GOD WHO HAS THE ANSWERS!

TRUST MY GOD WHO HAS THE ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING

TRUST MY GOD WHO IS IN CONTROL

TRUST MY GOD OF JESUS CHRIST

TRUST MY GOD OF THE BIBLE

Trust Him, my friends.

This is my advice worth of your life: find Him through Scriptures, through people explaining to you, through prayers, through his Holy Spirit.

Amen.

With lots of love,

J_chika

Two weeks ago i got another anxiety episode, it’s kind of worst because i can’t even meet my church friends since meeting them made me felt i want to help them and when they told me of their own problems (thinking that i can help them), their burden became my burden, i kept worrying about them and so on and so forth. it happened during the gap of my fortnight meeting with my psychologist as well, so i really had to stay at home and solely depend on God and Scriptures.

During those times, i even thought i had a heart attack, since i was feeling nothing, blackness, nothing is there except me and God. I thought i was dying, since my heartbeat’s slowed down until it’s almost stopped (literally!). You might think i’m thinking too much, but hey i’ve got evidence (my journal!) and witnesses (GP + the Gajuses!). I was listening to Sovereign Grace’s song called “Undying Love” – from the album Sons & Daughters too during my “sleep” time. (what else?? ;p)

Now, would you call that a heart attack? or a “panic attack” – being panic of having a heart attack?

Well, i’d call it a miracle, since the night before, i thought i had 2 panic attacks in a day and asked for prayers from my dearest & closest friends.

There you go, God have answered your prayers

Below is what i wrote as a reflection of what happened above.

May it be a great reminder for you (yes! you who are reading this!) too.

With love,

J_chika

Love Letter to God
Wed 10/8/11. 12:22pm

Dear God,
Thank you so much
for teaching me
again & again
that my life is not in my hand
but in yours.
Thank you, LORD
that I’m not in control of my life
but you are
but you are
you are.
You are in control of my life
not me
not me.

Thank you, LORD
for teaching me
your undying love
through the cross of your Son
who has taken
all my pains
hurts
angers
shames
and guilts

Indeed, it was your Son
who has bore other people’s pain, burden & problems
not me
not me
not me.

Thank you, LORD
for teaching me
personally, experience-tially & heartily
that:  to live is Christ,
to die is gain
to live is Christ,
to die is gain.
Though it was nice and comfortable
just to die
and see you, my LORD,
Yet you’ve shown me
that like Apostle Paul said,
for the sake of other people
I prefer to live for Christ

Thank you, LORD
for showing me
that you still have good works
for me to do in this world.

And thank you, LORD
for ultimately teaching me
that I am not in control of Time
but you are
you are.

So help me, LORD,
to trust you again & again
to trust in your steadfast love for me
to trust in your sovereign timing
to trust in your unfailing love
to trust in your unending love
to trust in your unmeasured grace
to trust in your unmeasured love for me
all possible because of Jesus Christ
all because of Jesus
I will sing
I will praise your name!
I will proclaim your love!
I will tell nations of your wondrous love!!
I can’t stop thanking you, O LORD!!!
I can’t stop thanking you!
I can’t stop thanking you…
I can’t stop thanking you..
I can’t stop thanking you.
Amen.

Hmm. if you’ve been following my blog, then you’ll know that i had my black Doggie of depression two years ago. I thought i was okay, i recovered, and get back on my feet again. However, as time goes by, life continues its ups and downs, i realised that there was an issue two years ago that is still unresolved and it came back again and bit me hard this year. It’s similar, but different.
Two years ago my psychologist said that depression was my main thing, anxiety was the second thing. This year, it’s the other way round: anxiety first, then depression second. It’s a bit hard to explain it to people who has never experienced it before. I had my mind racing, my thoughts are continuously worried & anxious all the time, mood swing, felt hot and cold changing in my body (literally!), my nerves shivers, then my body trembles. etc etc. Yeah. Quite a lot of things going on in my mind, body and soul.

Despite of my hard times, I really thank God that he was there all the time, through other people (when i’m with other people), or through his Holy Spirit inside me (when i’m alone by myself). Like the apostle Paul in Phillipians 4, I can now say that i’m content and joyful in my ups and downs moment, hot/cold, left/right, sane/insane, crazy/normal – i have discovered the secret of contentment: ie. i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Because i’m a very visual and reflective kind of person, writing down all my thoughts in my journal was very helpful to express my feelings and to preserve my own sanity. To help ppl understand what’s going on in my mind, I used the illustration of “My Little Zoo” – comprised of my Doggie, Sheepie, Cheetah & Wolfie.

Doggie = black dog of depression
Sheepie = the sheep who likes to worry a lot
Cheetah = the energy/excitement that runs very very fast (the bad hormone adrenaline)
Wolfie = the dangerous enemy – Devil’s lies

Hmmm. now to think again, i think i need to add 2 more characters to My Little Zoo:

Dove = the Holy Spirit inside me through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross; and
Chick = the energy/excitement that makes us happy (the good hormone endorphin)

Wow. i really have a crowded zoo.

Watch this space more of the description of each characters.  

Around the same time as i posted my notes on Facebook, telling ppl how God has answered our prayers for me, i saw on an old friend’s page (Ben & Faith Ho – ex-MTSers at FOCUS a few yrs ago) that they just lost their toddler daughter. It just makes me think again that our life is indeed in God’s hands. As life goes on, the more we’ll see pain & suffering in this world.

Other people’s (or mine in the future or even yours!) journey might not be as victorious/clear/miraculous as mine now. i was reminded and rebuked from my morning Bible reading from Psalm 6:4-5, “Turn, O Lord, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love. For in death there is no remembrance of you; in Sheol who will give you praise?”. During our pain & suffering we can cry out to God and ask for deliverance – but it’s up to God whether to give it or not. If God decides to save me, it’s not for my own salvation’s sake, but ultimately back for the sake of His own glory – not mine. If God decides not to save me (or even deliver me to my death) – i’ve been listening to the album Risen from Sovereign Grace about Jesus’ resurrection – in Jesus death & Sheol has been conquered, hence we still have great hope of heaven in the future – still back to His own glory.

Anyway, in whatever situation, God is God and we are not! God is still in control and faithful! He is indeed the God who gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

For my beloved GFIers,

if you haven’t seen this from my newsletter, below is the poem that i wrote as a reflection for the things that’s been happening to me for the last couple of weeks. From the poem it flows to a song that i wrote last year – just read the lyrics.

May this encourages you to “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ” too! (Gal.6:2). May this encourage you to share our troubles and weaknesses to one another too, for:

2 Cor.12:9-10 – “But he said to me,”My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Oh, and also, here’s a link to the song ‘Completely Done’ by Sovereign Grace from the album Sons & Daughters that i read the lyrics to you last Sunday. This song has been a tremendous help for me in the midst of my fears and failures. May this encourage you to rely on God’s grace as well – for behold, the old is gone, the new has come!

jck

Mon 27/6/11 – 10:10am

LORD, I cannot thank you enough

Again & again you showed me your faithfulness

Again & again your promises are trustworthy

Again & again you’ll never leave me

nor forsake me

Again & again you are there right beside me

in the midst of my fears and worries

when I can’t read your Words at all

when I can’t hear your voice at all

when I can’t rest peacefully day & night

when everything else seems to fall apart…

You are there.

You will always be there.

In the places where I’ll never thought I’ll find you.

through the Hope 103.2FM 24 hours Christian counselling

through one simple line in the song “Only One Thing” (by Mark Altrogge)

that says, “Shut out the lies that I can’t come near you”

through my own diary that has simple Bible verses that I often overlooked

But most importantly,

You have taught me to find you and your comfort

THROUGH MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST

to rely on them to read God’s Words to me

to rely on them to pray for me

to rely on them to comfort me with your Words

to rely on them to feed and look after myself

to rely on them to share & bear my burden

to rely on them to be my brain, my mouth, my arms, my legs, my ears…

When I can’t do all of those by myself.

Oh, how wonderful is your love to me, LORD

Oh, how amazing is your grace to me, LORD

Oh, how great is your faithfulness to me, LORD

Oh, how awesome is the fellowship of your people to me, LORD

I can’t stop thanking you.

I can’t stop thanking you.

I can’t stop thanking you.

———————————————————————————————————

I Can’t Stop Thanking You

© 2010 Jessica Halim

Intro:  Bb     Gm    Eb     F

(C)  (Am)  (F)   (G)

Bb (C)

Standing here in this room

Gm (Am)

Looking at the familiar faces

Eb (F)                                                                  F  (G)

Those who are very close and dear to me

Bb (C)

It made me realise

Gm (Am)

Just how very blessed I am

Cm/Eb (Dm/F)     F  (G)                          F (G) – one octave higher

Oh, I can’t stop thanking you…    (paused)

Bb (C)              Eb(F)    F (G)

Thank you, Lord, for this fami – ly

Bb (C)         Eb(F)     F (G)

What a gift you have given me

Dm (Em)

Keep us strong

Eb (F)    F (G)       Gm (Am)

To stir up, love and pray

Cm (Dm)        F (G)Until Jesus comes back

Bb

I can’t stop thanking you

The family that helps me

Knowing Christ and maturing in Him

Correcting, rebuking and encouraging

It made me realise

Just how very blessed I am

Oh, I can’t stop thanking you

I just realised a couple of days ago that if I’m not prepared or feel lazy to relate to my parents, during the phonecall to Indo we’ll just end up arguing and saying things we’re not meant to say. How much more if I’m not prepared to meet them face to face in my holiday in Indo starting this Sunday? How can I be a good testimony of Christ if I’m always bad tempered, quick to speak but slow to hear? And how would I explain to them what I’m going to do next year (i.e. MTS)?
So that’s why I’m listing all this Q&A. These are all the questions that I can think of, please help me out if you’ve got better idea of how to answer them, or any questions that i might missed. Hopefully it’ll be helpful for those reading this as well. After all, we’re commanded to “always being prepared to make a defence to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you” – 1 Pet.3:15. Prayerfully God will help me to “yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience” (v.16), being patient and to show them that being Christian is the best (and most joyful) thing ever happened in my life.

Parents’ FAQs about MTS/Christian ministry:

1.       Will you have enough money to survive?

• Show them expense-tracker excel file
• Yes, with observation of living expenses in Sydney, 1 person can live in a normal way (i.e. have food, clothing and shelter as the basic needs) with ~$1300/month = $15,600/year.
• I will still be working part time, if general part time salary is $20,000/year, I will have more than enough money to be able to survive
• Even if I’m not working, some close friends are generous enough to support me financially

2.       BGR-related: By involving more into “church” activities or going more into “that” direction, you won’t find any potential partner; or you’re limiting the choice of bf/gf (i.e. he/she doesn’t have to be a Christian)

• Even if I’m not going into ministry, I will not choose a non-Christian bf. My criteria of a bf will not change regardless I’m doing ministry or not
• There’s nothing wrong with being a single. It doesn’t mean that I’m less of a person or less value in society if I’m single. God values everyone the same in his eyes. I can still honour God regardless of my relationship status.
• God has made everything beautiful in its time. Atm it’s my moment of being single, if later God will provide a husband, so be it. But even if he’s not, my God is still a good God.

3.       You’re not the suitable type of person. Note: their typical idea of a pastor: outgoing, full of charisma, able to engage with people, etc.

• God is able to use different people with different personalities for his purposes. It doesn’t depend on how well we can talk to people, but our faithfulness and our godliness.
• We can also lead people by our example/actions/way of living, so not only talking.
• Lots of talking without godly action is also nothing.
• So far other people said that I can communicate well with other people or friends, so why not try full time ministry.

4.       Why waste so much money on your education, sending to Australia, etc

• I am thankful to God for the way you provided all that I need for my education.
• It’s not completely wasted – I also learned many things about myself, about life, and about God when I’m in Sydney besides studying Food Science.
• It’s not the actual subject study that’s important in uni, but the lessons about how to manage my time, how to work in a group, how to deal with deadlines and stress, how to make a report/essay, etc, that are more important for life.
• Ultimately by coming to Australia I know life by knowing Jesus Christ as my personal Lord & Saviour – something that God uses in His good plans.

5.       You are too naïve, you think you won’t need money but the fact is, everyone will need money

• Yep, I might be being too young or inexperienced – thinking that everything will work out without money. But I’m also being realistic about life, how I still need money to survive. See Question 1.
• Anyway I trust that my God will provide for me in the way that we might not expect… So I won’t be too worried about it.

6.       What if you don’t have money to raise up your kids, can’t give them the best education, or the best things in life, etc?

• My view about the best things in life is different to the world’s. My children-to-be won’t miss out life if they can’t be in the best private school, or study overseas or can’t have piano/swimming/dancing lessons; but what’s more important is if they know Jesus, then they’ll have the true life.
• After all my role as Christian parent (if God willing) is to train my children up in the Lord’s ways, not to give them the materials of this world that will not last until eternity anyway.

7.       You’re begging people for money to support you – like a beggar.

• Nope – Christian helping each other financially is not begging. It’s flowing from the generosity of the brothers & sisters in Christ – as a reflection of this beautiful fellowship in Christ, including how we love one another in the way we use/give away our money.
• We’re not forcing them to give, they don’t feel obliged to do it but instead willingly to support freely.
• If someone wants to donate their money to us, our rightly response is being thankful to God for their generosity (instead of feel ashamed).

8.       You have been given hands by God, so use it to work.

• Serving in ministry is also work. The Bible told us that Apostle Paul has the right to be supported financially by the church due to his labour in building up the congregation in Christ (1 Cor.9). So do the pastors in our nowadays church.
• The opposite of work is not serving in ministry, but idleness (being lazy, don’t want to do anything with our time/energy, becoming a burden for other people).
• The difference is where we put our time & energy on. World’s view: put your time & energy to make money = work; anything that doesn’t make money is not work. But Christian view: better to put our time & energy in things that matters more, things that will last till eternity (ie. not money, but in building relationships with other people for Christ’s sake).

9.       Why hurry going into ministry? Why not build your career first, get married, get a house etc, then when you’re stable in life, if then you want to do full time ministry then it’s up to you.

• How do we know that we’re not prioritising money or putting our security in money or other things than God when we do that?
• It’s better to serve in ministry now – while I’m still single and has no commitment in life. It’ll be much harder to give up your life or job when you have dependent kids or mortgage etc.

10.   What will our friends say if we tell them what you’re doing?

• I’m sorry that you feel embarrassed about me in front of your friends.
• Hopefully in time and by God’s grace, you will be able to see/understand the value of what I’m doing now, that this is the wisest way to live in God’s way, not in our own way.
• Ultimately it’s not important what people think of us, but what God thinks of us in the judgement day is what matters most.

11.   Who’s going to look after us when we are old or sick? What can you pay back to us?

• Christian children are called to honour their parents, that include looking after them when they are old and no longer able to support themselves (financially and physically). So I won’t abandon you – it’s my duty and honour to God and to you yourselves.
• I will definitely look after you with everything that I have, even though that means with less money and decreasing standard of life.
• I will seriously consider to stop doing ministry and look for full-time job if we really need money to look after you (eg. if you have serious illness).

12.   If you earn more money, you can help the church or the society more by giving more money. You can still do good by donating your money.

• Who knows that you put money first in your heart? We can fool ourselves and other people by thinking that way, but we can’t fool God.
• The fact is, the church needs more gospel workers than money. (The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few).
• Ultimately, what people need is not money, but to hear God’s Word and their life be changed.

13.   Even the Bible says in one of the 10 Commandments that you need to honour your parents.

• Honouring parents is not the same as always obeying parents. When we become adults, we need to make our own decisions and be responsible for it (can’t always depend on parents to make decisions for us).
• I can still honouring you while not obeying at the same time; it depends on how & the way  I still lovingly explain to you what I’m doing.
• Ultimately the Bible tells me to love God first, obeying and pleasing him, not men.

14.   Why can’t you trust us first and do what we say? Later you’ll understand; because we have more experience in life than you.

• It’s true that you have more life experience than me, and there are still lots of things I can learn from you
• But ultimately I need to rely on the Word of God as the ultimate guide – that gives guidance in my life to live God’s way.
• You can’t always control my life, as our lives is in God’s hands.

15.   People will see you as weirdos, abnormal

• Not really – not everyone will think that way. It’s just our fear of being seen as weirdos, fear of what other people think of us.
• Instead we need to fear God, the one who can kill both our body and soul in eternity
• Again, ultimately it’s not important what people think of us, but what God thinks of us in the judgement day is what matters most.

16.   You’re bringing shame to our family’s name

• I’m sorry if you feel that way.
• Hopefully in time and by God’s grace, you will understand that building and bringing glory to  God’s name is much much much more important than building our own name. That’s what’s matters most.

17.   You’re an extremist, fanatics. What’s the difference between you and those religious extremists? If you want to go to church, once a week is enough. Don’t be too fanatics.

• Christianity is not just about going to church once a week. Jesus’ radical call of discipleship involves giving up my whole lives, taking up my cross and following him. There’s no half-half. We can’t serve both God and money.
• We are not like other religious extremists – because they tend to separate themselves from the world, while Christians are told to go into the world but not of the world.

18.   If you’re too fanatic about a religion, you won’t be able to build your career, then you’ll miss your most productive year to build career (ie. 20-30 y.o).

• God calls us to build up his kingdom, not our career. Hence the most logical thing is to use my most productive time and energy to build his kingdom.
• We can’t bring our career or money or possessions when we die (which we won’t know when). Hence I want to use my life for the things that will last till eternity.

19.   2 years is too long, you’re wasting your time

• Nope – 2 years is actually very short, it’ll feel very fast. And if my life span is 80 yrs old, 2 years is just one-fortieth  of my life, i.e. 0.025 of it. I still have, if God willing, another 54 years to live my life. Still a long time.
• After all, if I’m going to spend eternity with God, 2 years is 2 divided by infinity = nil – nothing compared to the eternal time in heaven with God.

This is the song that I wrote to express my thankfulness to God for the family in Christ that has helped me knowing Jesus Christ and maturing in Him. Because everytime i look back and reflect God’s kindness to me, my family in Christ always comes up as a praise point, especially those who constantly helps me during my hard times, and those who don’t hesitate to correct & rebuke me whenever i sin or do something foolish.

This was written approx. 2 months ago, having the idea of singing this song in front of my closest Christian friends at my Thanksgiving & Partners Lunch last Saturday 13th Nov 2010 in mind when i started writing it. (Hence verse 1). Then the idea is expanded in verse 2, of why i want to thank God for this family in Christ. In particular i want to thank God for my dear brother in Christ who has shared God’s wisdom to me in tremendous ways, in a way that really affects my life to grow in godliness. Then it moves to the chorus, the thanksgiving and prayer asking God to keep us stirring up, loving & praying for one another until Jesus comes back.

So this is the initial lyrics:

Standing here in this room
Looking at the familiar faces I know
Those who are close and very dear to me
Made me realise that
I can’t stop thanking God for you all

The family that has helped me
To know Christ and mature in Him
The dear brother who has shared
God’s wisdom and the way of life
Oh, I can’t stop thanking God for you all

Thank you, Lord, for this family
The greatest gift ever been given
Lord, keep this bond strong
To stir up, love and pray
Until the time when Jesus comes back
Oh, I can’t stop thanking you

However due to some adjustments to the melody and for theological reason (the greatest gift ever been given is Jesus! haha), i had to scrap out some parts of verse 2 and rearranged the wordings, into pretty much the final version that you heard last Saturday. The “I can’t stop thanking you” phrase actually has dual meaning, to thank God himself, and to thank God for the family in Christ themselves. And the title is I Can’t Stop Thanking You, not I Can’t Stop Loving You, or I Can’t Stop Thinking About You (hahaha sounds cheesy :p). I wasn’t really confident about this song, because this is my first English song that I composed both the lyrics and melody, and because i didn’t show this to anyone else before making it public. So for those who listened to this last Saturday, thank you for your kind positive feedback!

Special thanks to my younger brother who is more gifted in arranging a song than me, and thanks to Monthy who played the guitar. This one is recorded in my iPhone, so the quality is very very poor – as long as you get the idea hahaha. And because i can’t send the whole recording from my iphone, it was cut off at the first chorus after verse 2, while it was supposed to repeat the chorus after verse 2.Enjoy!

Click here: I Can’t Stop Thanking You

I Can’t Stop Thanking You
(c) 2010 Jessica Halim

Standing here in this room
Looking at the familiar faces
Those who are very close and dear to me
It made me realise
Just how very blessed I am
Oh, I can’t stop thanking you

Thank you, Lord, for this family
What a gift you have given me
Keep us strong
To stir up, love and pray
Until Jesus comes back
I can’t stop thanking you

The family that helps me
Knowing Christ and maturing in Him
Correcting, rebuking, and encouraging
It made me realise
Just how very blessed I am
Oh, I can’t stop thanking you

Having missed FocusTeam for 1.5 yrs made me almost forgot how great it is to sit and listen and grow in God’s Word. In particular this week’s topic is the doctrine of the jealous God. It also gave me a clearer understanding of the relationship between God and Israelites in Old Testament, as i’ve been reading the books of the Prophets for my personal reading.

God has a right to be jealous because he created us, look after us from very early, hence we belong to him as his people. What struck me is the idea of God looked after this little girl, washed and clothed her, courted and married her (i.e. the Israelites) in Ezekiel 16. Yet she relied on her beauty and instead committed adultery with other man. God was angry and jealous and one day will punish them. But in his great love, he will have mercy on them again and call them his people again. The fact that God is jealous means he cares for us – so much that he’s willing to send his own Son to make us his again, now extended to the Gentiles.

Thank God i’ve got an inspiration to write this draft lyrics based on Ezekiel 16. I know some words seemed strange in Indonesian, and the syllables are still messy – it’s still a draft anyway.And based on a dear friend of mine’s request, now i’ve provided the English translation as well. anyone wanna try write the melody?

Aku Ini MilikMu
Yeh.16, Kej.2:7, Mzm.51

Aku ini milikMu
Dari awal dunia
Debu tanah yang hina
FirmanMu menghidupiku
KasihMu meliputiku
Dengan air Kau membasuhiku
Mengenakan pakaian
‘Tuk layak jadi milikMu

Seiring waktu berjalan
‘Ku terlena dengan dunia
Mengandalkan kecantikan
Beralih pada illah lain
Oh, besarlah amarahMu
Benarlah cemburuMu
Kau telah menolakku
Tak lagi jadi milikMu

Tetapi lebih dari itu
KasihMu sungguh ajaib
Kau relakan AnakMu
Menanggung amarahMu
Dosa pun diampuni
Dengan darah Dia membasuhiku
Bersih seputih salju
Layakkanku jadi milikMu
I am Yours
Ezek.16, Gen.2:7, Ps.51

I am yours
From the beginning of the world
The contempt dust
Your Word made me alive
Your love embraced me
With water you washed me
Clothed me
To make me worthy to be yours

As time goes on
I’m astonished by the world
Relying on my own beauty
Turn to other gods
Oh, how great is your anger
How righteous is your jealousy
You have rejected me
No longer to be yours

But more than that
Your amazing love
You gave your Son willingly
To bear your anger
Sin has been forgiven
With blood he washed me
Clean as white as snow
Made me yours again.