Mon 7/12/09, 10am

Aaahh… what a nice and quiet day it is today. here i am, sitting in the Pavilion Cafe @ Maroubra Beach, waiting for my brunch & ice coffee here.

This is my day off, since i worked on Saturday i got Monday off in return. initially i could get some extra cash for working overtime, but considering the busy, busy situation i am atm (with work, moving house, preparing to go back to Indo and all that stuff), then I thought, nah, some ~$200 wouldn’t worth it. What i need now is not some extra money to buy furnitures, but time. some time to relax, resting myself, and especially some good quality time with my Big Dad up there. I haven’t had my Sabbath Day for a couple of weeks now and i know i won’t be able to have it on weekend until i go back to indo.

So, a Monday day off would be even more perfect: it’s really quiet, my flatmates are gone to either work or somewhere else, i’ve got the whole day and house to myself, no one to disturb me, and this is the day where i don’t want to think anything about packing, moving out, work, parents, family… nothing. Except only me and my God. That’s all i need. A little date with my Big Dad

So woke up at 7:30, staring at the beautiful, beautiful weather out there – thank God. Quickly prepared myself, in 30 mins i was gone, walking to Maroubra Beach, as usual. Sitting there beside the beach, taking my time while i’m continuing my Bible reading. Just finished reading 2 Chronicles a few days ago, it’s been really amazing seeing God’s & Israel’s history in a continuation from Genesis – 2 Chron, learned heaps from the OT & i enjoyed it a lot! So i decided to read Jeremiah afterwards, because he was just there at the end of 2 Chron, while the story is still fresh in my mind, i want to read his story too.

So i’m up to Chapter 3:6, then i read until 4:4 & meditate upon the truth. I learned about God, who keep calling the faithless & adulterous Israel and Judah to repentance, with the promise that he won’t be angry forever for he is merciful. For those who acknowledge their guilt & confessing that they haven’t obeyed God’s voice, to those who circumcise themselves to the Lord and remove the foreskin of their hearts, there is a promise of restoration from God, to bring them back to Jerusalem. And there stated in 3:15-18 the beautiful prophecy that was fulfilled in Jesus: the Ultimate Shepherd after God’s own heart, who is leading us with knowledge and understanding. And quoting 3:17, “At that time Jerusalem shall be called the throne of the LORD, & all nations shall gather to it, to the presence of the LORD in Jerusalem, and they shall no more stubbornly follow their own evil heart.” It’s happening already! How wonderful!

After praying a prayer of confession & thanksgiving based on the Jeremiah passage just then, i was looking for a shade, sitting there and responding to God through singing my favourite Sovereign Grace songs from my fav. Worship God Live album, while listening to the lyrics and singing it to God at the same time. Aahh… the truth reflected in the lyrics “Not death nor life nor anything can ever separate me, O love that will not let me go, Yes, I am his forever” (from the song His Forever) moved me again almost into tears. Yes, no matteer what circumstances we are in, he will never leave us nor forsake us, I am his forever through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

After a couple of songs and feeling a bit hungry, i went to the cafe i’m sitting & writing this now. This is my fav cafe after Coffee Club Pacific Square, because it’s just right there beside the beach, got excellent service and very nice Ice Chocolate. Decided to have brunch & try the Ice Coffee, it would’ve been good one if only they put sugars in it… Ah well, never mind. I wont’ let this ruin my day ^^;

Just a few more things to do during my date with my Big Dad today. After this I’m going to stop, reflect, and list out all the things i can thank God for, for He is good and his marvellous works always working in my life despite of my circumstances. Then tonight, to make the day even more perfect, is the EMU live recording @ Annandale. Sorted out how to get there – thanks to Jason from MBF who’s giving me a lift ^^. And it’ll be good to see my friends form other churches again – we always meet on some music events :p But most of all, i’m sooo looking forward to singing to God with his people!

Indeed, because God has been, is, and will always be good to me, it’s a very, very good day

Just randomly found this article on the net, it sounds good, altho i’m not sure about the potato bit ;p

http://news.id.msn.com/lifestyle/okezone/article.aspx?cp-documentid=3650282

Empat Makanan Pengantar Tidur

Empat Makanan Pengantar Tidur

SERING KALI rasa kantuk tak juga datang menghampiri. Padahal, tubuh sudah dilanda kelelahan tingkat tinggi, baik secara fisik maupun mental.

Jika Anda tak suka mengonsumsi obat tidur, tak usah khawatir. Sebab, ada cara alami untuk membantu Anda mengatasi masalah susah tidur. Caranya, Anda dapat mengonsumsi beberapa asupan makanan berikut ini, seperti dikutip okezone dari Sheknows:

Kentang

Kentang terbukti sebagai makanan dengan nilai GI rendah (Low Glycemic Index). GI adalah indikator kecepatan proses perubahan dari karbohidrat diubah menjadi gula di dalam tubuh.

Kentang tak membuat gula darah Anda naik bila dikonsumsi secara bijak. Malahan dengan menyantap kentang, Anda bisa cepat terlelap tanpa harus mengonsumi makanan dengan GI tinggi.

Pisang

Pisang kaya akan potasium. Potasium merupakan mineral penting yang dapat menormalkan detak jantung, mengirim oksigen ke otak, dan mengendalikan kadar cairan tubuh. Saat tubuh sedang mengalami stres, tingkat metabolisme menjadi naik, sehingga terjadi pengurangan kadar potasium. Ini dapat dikendalikan dengan melahap pisang.

Tak hanya itu saja, buah yang satu ini dapat mendatangkan rasa kantuk secara alami. Pasalnya, pisang mengandung hormon melatonin dan tryptophan, yang membuat Anda tidur nyenyak.

Hormon melatonin adalah zat yang dihasilkan oleh kelenjar pineal didalam otak dan pembentukannya akan dipicu oleh gelap. Kadarnya paling tinggi ditemukan menjelang pagi hari sekitar pukul 02.00-04.00 WIB dan paling rendah di sore hari. Hormon ini mengatur mengatur bioritme atau irama tubuh dalam hal pengaturan tidur.

Susu

Semasa kecil para ibu membuatkan segelas susu sebagai pengantar tidur si anak. Susu tak hanya kaya akan tryptophan. Kandungan di dalam susu dapat membantu memberikan rasa tenang dan membuat tubuh terasa lebih relaks.

Meneguk segelas susu hangat di malam hari bisa membuat Anda cepat tertidur. Tak percaya? Coba saja!

Oatmeal

Oatmeal tak hanya menghangatkan perut dan kaya serat, namun bisa membuat Anda kenyang dan mengantuk seketika. Semangkuk hangat oatmeal dapat menjadi sumber melatonin. Sehingga rasa kantuk pun akan segera menyerang Anda.

Bila ingin lebih cepat mengantuk, sebelum tidur Anda bisa menyantap oatmeal dicampur dengan susu hangat sebagai pelengkap.

Last Saturday (10/10) was my Sabbath day/day off, after busy weeks before and after that. And i believe that a Sabbath day won’t be a real rest without stopping our life at that point to look back and give thanks to God for whatever He’s done for us all this time. So i did, especially looking back at the last 6 months or so of my life, certainly there are lots of things to give thanks for. And so i made this poem to express the summary of what i’ve learned from the journey together with the Doggie, it’s by no means everything i learned, but there’s lots of different things/themes that i want to convey. It does remind me that it’s only by God’s grace and Spirit that in the end of the tunnel, i’m able to say, “Thank God for depression!”

Sat 10/10, 10:15pm

Thank God for depression, because
i learned
that God is God, and I’m not
that he’s in control of my life: physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally
that he can turn around my life like turning the back of your palm
that he can uses any means to achieve his purposes,
including through pain, hurt, and suffering
that God is God, and I’m not
that he’s the sovereign God, and I’m not.

Thank God for depression, because
i learned
the value of going through pain in order to be healed
of his grace, strength, courage and comfort through suffering
to trust him more and more, even when
I’m stripped away, nothing in my hand i bring
to endure and persevere the pain and hurt
knowing that this too will pass
that God is disciplining me,
to make me more like Jesus
to endure this race, looking forward to the crown of glory
that there are things that we don’t understand
there are things that we don’t know why
but we can only entrust everything in God’s good hand
that there are much lessons to be learned
in going through pain and hurt rather than avoiding it.

Thank God for depression, because
i learned
that how much more I’m looking forward to heaven
where there will be no more pain and tears
that the suffering of this world
makes me long to see Jesus face to face all the more
that there is hope
there is light
there is the crown of glory
awaiting in the end of the tunnel
that our future is as solid rock
no matter what happen to me
no matter what i feel.

Thank God for depression, because
i learned
that God is faithful to his promises
and he will be again
that he never leave me nor forsake me
even though it feels like he’s a million miles away
no matter what i feel
he will always be there for me
though i walk through the valley of death
I will not fear, for my God is with me
that in Christ alone the solid rock i stand
while all other ground is sinking sand
that he is my refuge, my tower of salvation
that he will never let me go.

Thank God for depression, because
i learned
something about myself that i don’t know before
that it reveals of what’s in my heart
of what i fear
what i’m ashamed of
what i’m angry of
that my sin is laid bare, naked to the very core
oh, how wretched sinner I am!
oh, how guilty i am before you, o LORD!

Thank God for depression, because
i learned
that God is searching my heart and testing me
to see where my heart really belongs to
that he helped me to realise how sinful i am
yet he still gives me more and more grace
as i turn back to him with a broken and contrite heart
and forgives me like a father with open arms.

Thank God for depression, because
i learned
that it takes his grace, strength and courage
to face the things of the past
the bits that we prefer to keep it buried
than letting it resurface pain and hurts
that it’s necessary to face it than running away from it
to confront the pain in order to be healed
and yet God keeps helping me through it all
to see things from the other perspectives.

Thank God for depression, because
I learned
that life is all about decision-making
that making decisions and being responsible of whatever
the consequences of our decisions
is part of growing up and be mature
that it’s okay not to have everything perfect
that it’s okay to make mistakes
only we also need to be ready to face the consequences
knowing that God is a loving and forgiving God
and in control of everything even though we messed up.

Thank God for depression, because
i learned
that a lot of people are going through the same thing
that i’m not the only one
so that i can understand and emphatise
and hence helping those experiencing the same thing
showing them that by God’s grace there is hope at the end of the tunnel.

Thank God for depression, because
ultimately i learned
that God is God and i’m not!!

Thank God for the last 2-3 months i’m actually feeling okay and back to normal, resuming all my life again where i left it when the Doggie came. It must be God’s miracle, a week after MYC i didn’t feel lethargic/down/sorrowful anymore. Having said that, i do need to continue monitor my condition because if i was physically tired then added by stress => bad headache => the lethargy came back.

What I learned lately is that depression is not just about feeling low/down/misery (emotional), or no energy/chemical imbalance (physical) etc, but it also speaks about what our mind think (psychology) and exposes what’s really in the heart of our heart (spiritual). All aspects must be treated equally & effectively to prevent any other depression episode.

In my case atm, i don’t feel as emotional as before, and mine is not caused by something physical e.g. chemical imbalance, but it’s more from the psychological side (and connected to spiritual later on) caused by stress. So the last several meetings with my psyc were spent to dig in at the heart of my heart to really find out why the Doggie came, what the stress was and why i think the way i think. Sigh. And it’s not… easy. It’s not pleasant at all. In fact, digging the past is really painful and hurts.

But i’ve made up my mind to not bury my problem anymore but to dig it hard, find the root and pluck it out, becoz if i don’t do that, most likely in the future i’ll come back to depression state & it will just keep haunting me like crazy. It does hurts and painful, but as i read it in a really helpful book, it’s like God is doing a surgery on you, it hurts and painful but in the end the purpose is to heal you.

Sometimes i’m tempted to just leave it like that & try not to think too much of it, but i know it’s just running away and not solving the problem. Having said that, i’m confident that the God, the Good Shepherd who has walked with me through the valley of darkness of depression will always be there beside me, walking with me through the pain as well. I know it’ll take time and it won’t heal in an instant. But God is a gracious God who will keep giving me grace and strength and courage to face it. If i can do it, so you can

Hmm btw i should’ve written this post like several weeks ago. But at that time i wasn’t feeling like blogging at all. Now you’ll be pleased to know that i’ve done my hard part in the digging, and it proves to be fruitful. But that’ll take another post

Hohoho after feedbacks from some ppl, me and Hilda decided to change some words. Thanks heaps for those who has given us their inputs. And this is the final version.
I’ve sent this to AJ, who forwarded it to Beth Manchester herself, who’s totally fine with it! Yay! We’ve got permission to use her version of Take My Life for the Indo translation
And good news, AJ said he’d keen to put the lyrics up in their website, and maybe even record a version! Cool! Thank God, it’s one step closer

Tuhan Ambil Hidupku
Words (1874) by Frances R. Havergal
Translated (2009) by Jessica Halim & Hilda Cahya based on Kidung Jemaat 365a.
Music copyright (c) 2006 Beth Manchester
From Garage Hymnal, ‘Take My Life’ (2006).

Tuhan ambil hidupku
Dan kuduskan bagimu
waktuku kau ambillah
memujimu s’lamanya

Ambillah suaraku
Hanya mengagungkanmu
dan pakailah lidahku
jadi saksi Injilmu

Gerakkanlah tanganku
hanya oleh kasihmu
dan jadikan langkahku
berkenan kepadamu
biar kasihku ini
hanya untukmu, Tuhan
jadikanlah diriku
milikmu selamanya
milikmu selamanya.

Ambil s’luruh hartaku
takkan kupegang erat
Pakai akal budiku
sesuai rencanamu

Ambillah kehendakku
jadi s’perti yang engkau mau
Jadikanlah hatiku
takhta kebesaranmu

Engage 09 was great.  it was really a good reminder for me of evangelism at work, of the faith that works. I used to be very enthusiastic to start my day when i first started at my current work, enthusiastic to build relationships and especially to look for opportunity to share Christ at work. But then when the Doggie came it just died.

Then William Taylor at Engage reminded us of the bigger picture from the gospel of John – if we want to serve God, we need to know where God is going/doing and channel our energy to that; otherwise it’s gonna be nothing/wasted. Establish the mission first before going to the operation. Identify God’s bigger plan, of what on earth he is doing.

To know WHAT on earth God is doing, we need to see what on earth Jesus is doing (since Jesus does what the Father does). And the Scripture is full of reasons why Jesus came to earth: to bring life and to execute judgement. (John 5:24, “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life”.)

And Jesus’ primary task is NOT:
1. primarily political (John 6:15)
2. primarily material (not feeding the world – John 6:26)
3. primarily charitable work (6:28)
4. primarily about signs and wonders (6:30-31).

But to bring life, spiritual life!

Especially to the people who do not know Christ: who are dead and condemned (5:24), helpless (6:63), blind/in darkness (8:12), slave to sin (8:34),  evil (7:7).

So, the question now is: what on earth are you doing??

Make your agenda = God’s agenda = to bring life! Then all the joy and delight in working will come if you align your life with what He’s doing.
Imagine tomorrow you come into work, and you’re walking among these dead, condemned, helpless,blind, enslaved, and evil colleagues – you can’t help but want to introduce them to Christ who brings life & execute judgment!

But HOW is that God is doing his work on earth??

Again, God is doing his work by his Spirit through his Words! How did God create the world, call Abraham, summon his people at Mt Sinai, breathe new life @ Ezek 36, and (Jesus) breathe life to the paralysed man (in John 5)? HE SPOKE! So we need to create opportunities to share His Words! And PRAY, PRAY, and PRAY!

5 applications:
1. for interested observers who are not there yet: pray & ask God by his Spirit to bring you life. Find someone to read Bible with, and find a good church that teach his Words faithfully.
2. for weary/battered believers: hear God’s Words, set up priority in your life, make God’s agenda yours, and hence be refreshed and renewed!
3. for working Christians: how do you expect God to work through your life? Godliness! And we need to expose people to His Words!
4. for those who have specific Word-ministry gifts: not everybody! God can place you in the workplace. We need to support & value & help them. If you think you have that gifts but hanging around workplace, think: how does God work? how can I spend my life living for myself, while thousands of others stay lifeless & dead & hopeless? Don’t waste your life!
5. for Bible-believing Sydney evangelicals: watch out for those mystics/experientalist and liberal movements, stay back to the true and authentic Christian life to his Words. Be careful of the (Christian) experientialists who judge Christian faith by what makes me feel good, how passionate/engaging/moved i am by the preachers, or by the music or atmosphere that makes me feel right/good. Will you stay evangelical? Wage the good warfare, guard that good deposit! See that our church has the most exciting thing: the Word of God as it’s taught and explained! This one strikes me the most.

Yeah, so that’s my summary of William Taylor’s talks. It reminded me of the bigger picture of God’s mission again: he puts us in the workplace for a purpose. This is the prayer that i used to pray and now will pray again everyday on the bus trip in the morning to work – it helps me to stay on track and expect & use every opportunities that come. See if you can pray this prayer too, very short and simple and only takes a few seconds:

Dear Heavenly Father,
I am your child, you are my Father. Heaven is my home, everyday is one day closer to heaven. My Saviour is my older brother, and every other Christians is my brother and sister too. Please give me today opportunities to build relationship with my colleagues (and/or friends) and opportunities to share Christ. Help me to glorify you today with all my thoughts, words, and deeds.
Amen

I’ve just had time to blog this since coming back from Engage last weekend. i’m really glad i changed my mind last minute to come to Engage, to listen & be reminded from God’s Words again plus to celebrate the 29th of August, 3 months since my last depression episode came up ^^

On Sat the 29th, beside the Engage Conf itself, i really enjoyed going to the Scenic World @ Blue Mountain – been wanting to go there, and i love bushwalking & enjoying the beauty of the green nature that God gloriously created. And what made it extra special is the fellowship with the other Pelitans

Then enjoying the live music by the Engage band after that Sat nite session with the other Twist-ers was great too Beside spending time with the Pelitans, it was great to catch up with ppl from other churches, good to see the Twist Away ppl and the Grad Conf ppl again

Ended up really tired on Sat night, since my attempt to take a nap in the arvo failed :-S
But i did enjoy it so much and thanks be to God who gives me the freedom from the darkness to be able to breathe the fresh air, to enjoy his marvellous creation, to enjoy the fellowship of brothers and sisters and His goodness and glorious grace

Hahaha  Engage here i come! after last minute decision making, i finally made up my mind to go to Engage Conf :p Initially i wasn’t going to go because i’ve been to too many conferences this year – need to save up a bit. But after a while, i changed my mind, because it’s a very relaxing conference and i’ve been wanting to go to Blue Mountain for a while for holiday. And because of clash between my choir concert and a good friend’s wedding in mid Oct, my Melbourne holiday plan is shattered   So yeah, i might afford a little bit more for a Blue Mountain holiday instead of Melbourne ;p lol

And i’ve just realised, the Engage date next week is 28th-30th of August, perfect date!! Now i know what to do to celebrate the 29th Aug, 3 months away from the Doggie =D So i might as well enjoy it

And oh btw, of course i’m also coming for the great Bible teachings there, so not only for holiday plan :p Afterall, i need biblical reminder of ministering in my workplace, because at the moment i’m running low on motivation to share the gospel to my colleagues. And because we haven’t had our Christian prayer meeting for a looongg time, i even wondered whether it’s worth to continue   that’s a bad thought of course, i do need to keep persevering and continue, knowing that all things won’t be in vain in Jesus!

Love Morning Devotions With Chris Witts at Hope 103.2fm radio everyday 9:05am. And the good thing is, even though you missed it today on the radio, they have the written Morning Devotions on the website. It includes devotions on different kind of topics, including depression. So below is the copy-paste from the Morning Devotions on 4/8/09, you can find it here. It’s very helpful

How to Be Up When You’re Down

Morning Devotions with Chris Witts

The primary causes of depression are:

Indecision – This is a built-in depressant that will destroy your peace of mind and increase your feelings of being trapped. Postponing decisions because you are afraid to say no or you are afraid of hurting the other person will only compound the hurt for everyone. We are better off putting our energies to living with the consequences of our decisions rather than avoiding the decisions themselves.

Anger – Depression has been termed frozen rage. Unresolved, repressed or improperly expressed anger in your life will inevitably cause depression! The power of unexpressed anger was brought home to me graphically by a female client who, having refused to face her enormous anger during a counselling session, was so physically uptight that she broke her leg just getting up out of a chair in my office. Needless to say we had a long way to go with counselling!

Injustice – The deep felt need to right the huge wrongs so apparent in the world or in our own lives can result in depression. That is, of course, if we do not have the understanding that God is in control.

Powerlessness or Impotence – An inability to act, whether it be in decision making, anger or injustice produces crippling feelings of powerlessness. This can drive a person into depression.

Grief – Grief is a process we go through after any form of loss. Depression, due to many of the factors I have given above, will often be part of that process.

So what can we do about depression?
1. Own it!
It belongs to us and no one else. We have accepted it, nurtured it and even enjoyed it sometimes, so it is our choice to keep it or do something about it.

2. Identify why you are down
Is it due to indecision, anger, injustice or powerlessness? Is there guilt due to sin in your life, revealed by the Spirit but not yet repented, or are you punishing yourself after God has already forgiven you? Maybe it is a bit of everything but try to pin down all the different factors.

3. Change your self speak
What are you saying to yourself that is helping to bring you down? Again, you need to own what you are really saying and ask yourself if it is really true. We need to have, as Paul says, a sober self judgement (Romans 12:3)

4. Eat well
This might surprise you, but it really helps to have plenty of protein in your system. Depression often robs us of appetite just when we need it most. A bowl of chicken soup may indeed be an aid to the sick at heart!

5. Praise God
Even when this seems impossible with our feelings so low, we can change our attitudes and our negative feelings by reading the psalms and praising our Father through them. Psalms 42 and 43 are particularly relevant as the writer is actually going through this process of throwing off depression through praise. The Bible tells us that God inhabits the praise of His people. In praising Him, we are inviting Him in to an intimacy that will leave no room for depression.

Depression will occur because we live in a fallen world, but we can, by God’s grace, do something about it. Life can dig you a hole in the cellar, but you can choose whether you want to stay there!

By Chris Harding
Published in Christian Woman, March 1992

These last few weeks seemed like picking up the pieces of my life that are left behind for a few months back when the Doggie came.You may not know the significance of the things i’m doing below, but it’s quite important for me since it means i’m coming back to normal, resuming my normal stuffs, and finding my motivation to do these normal things, unlike when the Doggie comes i hardly find any energy to do anything at all

Firstly, i tidied up my desk & my stuffs beside my bed. It’s really been piling up until a point when i’m sick of it, then feel satisfied because i’ve done the cleaning up ;D

Secondly, i called up the HSBC credit card to ask about my cc which was always rejected whenever i used it. because my old cc was lost and i blocked it, apparently the block wasn’t removed when i got my new one, so i just need to call up and remove it. As simple as that. blahhh how would i know?? anyway, now i can use my cc again and the first 2 things i used my cc for are to rego for SPUR 09 and Twist Conf :p

Then i wrote up an electronic letter for my “child” whom i had neglected for nearly 6 months! what a bad ‘mum’ i am :p hahahaha. at least this time i wrote electronically, explaining what’s been happening to me and why i couldn’t write a letter to him for a long time, then on i’ll continue handwriting it and plus need to print out some pictures coz i haven’t sent him any pics for a looongg time :p

Then after waiting and pushing and chasing ppl up for a few weeks, finally i managed to rego 32 ppl for Twist Conf!! what a big list! hahaha it’s the combination of a few churches around, mostly Pelita, NRAN, Sydwest, and 1 ppl each from MBF, ABC, CP11 and even IPC :p it could’ve been bigger if we join up with the other FOCUSers – but i’ve said to them earlier to have separate rego, who knows i ended up joining with other churches instead :p I’m really really excited for Twist Conf already!!! =D

Then today finally i moved my small bookshelf up to my bedroom to be sort of a bedside table, coz my old bedside table is too small to contain all the stuffs that i want to put beside my bed. And i lend my bedside table to one of my flatmate coz i don’t need it :p

Then finally, FINALLY and last time, FINALLY i managed to open up and sort out all my letters that has been piling up, coz i had never opened them since, like 6 months ago :p hahahaha if you read carefully, i only did “opening up and sorting out” – and haven’t actually read them. But yah, it’s a good start and actually i’m quite happy with that hahahaha. Will do the reading part in a few days time :p

Yep ok so that’s more like small matters. I’m planning to move on to big things that i’ve been put on hold, e.g.:
1. doing the music audit on our music folders,
2.and probably writing up a procedure/guidelines for Pelita music director – been wanting to do that but hvn’t had time to
3. then sorting out my superannuation account, it’s been all over the place!
4. continue writing up songs & lyrics
5. Budgeting my money and start things again

Hmm i think i should stop there, or else the list keeps growing and it’ll be quite an unachievable list :p like my psyc said, better do things one by one, and make achievable goals